"Meat and two veg?" thought my conniving, already far too mature brain. "I'll have that."
A year later, reading Auel's The Valley of Horses, I was introduced to a whole 'nother sphere of a) penis usage (they're not just for convenient peeing??) and b) the fact that all those insane euphemisms I used for humorous purposes? Sometimes people use them for real. Both a and b were revelations, and similarly startling. Thanks to Ayla and Jondalar, I now knew just why one might refer to a penis as a "womanmaker," and also why it was still ridiculous to do so.
Indeed, once I got over the woman making, itself, I immediately started giggling at the term "womanmaker."
So that's my short, sordid history with the euphemism. But nothing's changed. I still love double entendre, puns, anything that lets me make something naughty out of something banal. This capacity has served me well because life's too short not to be naughty, and I live in Pennsylvania. Drastic measures are often necessary.
Which brings me back to the trouser snake, the words that popped up immediately into my brain the second I saw we had to write about snakes this week. And then I considered blogging just those two words, "Trouser snake," but thought I might be the only person who thought that was funny.
So instead, I'm going to give you a shit ton of trouser snakes, or some of my the most ridiculous euphemisms I could find, divided by category:
The Ouch Factor: Or, the Far Too Anatomically Specific
These euphemisms would better belong in a biology textbook than the bedroom, with their use of cringeworthy anatomical terms. Examples include:
Culinary Delights: Or, Food Belongs in the Kitchen
While I enjoy my food, I'm not sure I enjoy the connotations these euphemisms, er, stir up.
The Animal Kingdom
Because we all obey the law of the jungle.
Don't take these euphemisms into account when filling out a job application...
The Optimistic: Or, the Keep Telling Yourself That, Sweetheart
"Yes, dear, it IS the Hammer of Thor..."
The Pessimistic: Or, Seriously, You Might Want to Rethink Your Marketing Strategy...
If you build a tiny, decrepit old shack, no one will come...
Why on earth...????
***Thanks to my friends on FB, Twitter, and this website, for making this blog post possible.