Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Martha's Defense of Vice

I'm not the type to deny myself.

Good food? I eat it.
Nice things? I buy them.
Social life? I haz it.

Why would I say no to myself? I LOVE myself. I give myself anything and everything.

In fact, I am PRO vice.

Let's break the big ones down, shall we?

Vice #1: Vanity aka Self-Love (no, not *that* self-love you dirty gutter-minded folks)

I never understood why Dante was so down on self-love. Even bringing in the religious mentality - if God made me in his image, and I love God, why wouldn't I also love myself? And who wants to hang out with a wallowing mess of self-pity anyway?

Vice #2: Greed

Our entire economy and society is built on the premise that I want things I don't have. Wanting leads to motivation and innovation. Wanting keeps things interesting.

Vice #3 Lust
Are we or are we not supposed to procreate as a species?

Vice #4: Anger
You know what creeps me out? Indifference. If things like child abuse, sexual abuse and human slavery don't make you angry, there is something wrong with you. For realz.

Vice #5: Gluttony
See Greed

Vice #6: Envy
See Greed

Vice #7: Sloth
Okay, I'll admit. I'm not a fan of sloth. I don't even like to sleep because it feels lazy.

I know, I know, your body is replenishing and your brain is doing something (useless) and it's good for you and studies show this but these studies don't compare what I can get done while I'm awake to whatever happens when I'm asleep.

On the other hand, I just got back from the Carribbean and everything else seemed to be a way to kill time until my next nap.

Breakfast then nap.
Lunch then siesta.
Pool time then doze.
Dinner then nod off.
Entertainment then sleep.

I also discovered the Snuggie for the first time, which is a genius napstastic accoutrement that makes you feel like you're being cradled by angels. I don't know what you got from me last Christmas, but this Christmas, it's probably gonna be a Snuggie.

(You're welcome.)

I digress - bottom line, if you've made it this far in life without giving into one of the big seven, you're probably not reading this blog as blog-reading is firmly covered under Vice #7: Sloth.

Ergo, I can say terrible things like those other people. Like they aren't very interesting. Not YOU, however. If you're reading this blog, you're fantastic.


Sophie Littlefield said...

martha - i agree! sloth is the WORST. and i have *got* to get me a snuggie. this winter in the converted garage is threatening to do me in.

L.G.C. Smith said...

The snuggie is a demonic tool. All part of a devilly plan to get us all ensconced in fleece on couches. Bad things will happen in the Snuggie Apocalypse. Mark my words.

Juliet Blackwell said...

Hahahaha! Could not agree more. Sloth is definitely my bugaboo, but while on vacation I often follow your cruise napping schedule. But like you, I feel that one-third of our life sleeping isn't really the best use of our time, or the bed for that matter (see LUST).

Toni in Florida said...

In this house, I can only *dream* of a snuggie! The hubs freaked out last week when had my fleece robe on backwards (รก la Snuggie). I can only imagine his horror at the real deal. ;-)

Martha Flynn said...

I'd like to point out I find a typo in my blog post, but am enacting Vice 7 and choosing not to correct it. SNUGGIES FOR EVERYONE.

Rachael Herron said...

I feel the same way about sleep, but perhaps what I need is a Snuggie.

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