Thursday, July 8, 2010

Of Guns and Zombies

I'm the girl who moved the ouija board.

You know who I mean. When asking the ouija board questions as kids, someone would invariably move that planchette to spell out answers from the great beyond.

Well, it was me.

It was no fun sitting there asking questions of the spirit world and receiving no reply. Somebody had to do it. And there was no point in doing it if you were going to admit it.

I'm also the girl who would survive a zombie attack. In those "would you survive the zombie apocalypse?" quizzes (you know you've taken them), I apparently know just how to kick some zombie ass. I'm a survivor.

Just like with a ouija board, the key is a certain degree of detachment. You can't worry about deceiving your friends -- after all, they're having more fun than they would have been staring at a ouija board that refused to move. And when asked in the zombie quiz if you'd stay behind with a friend who's just been bitten by a zombie who's sure to turn into one herself in a few minutes -- the obvious answer is NO. Be real; you can't save her.

What? You say the zombies in the zombie quizzes aren't real? Okay, I'll grant you that.

Here's how I learned to fight zombies in the real world -- with a gun:
Oh yes, that's my handiwork in that zombie's chest
(although I'm pretty sure I was aiming for his head)

Until a few years ago, I'd never shot a gun in my life. Being a mystery writer and all, I figured I should give it a try.

When members of a local writers' group arranged a trip to a nearby shooting range, I jumped at the chance.

We had to sit through an hour-long training before we got to shoot. (Our teacher was such a character that I need to write him into a book at some point, or at least write a blog post about him, but he deserves a post of his own so I'll save that for another day.)

After the training, we picked out our guns. It was an odd feeling at first, but as soon as I got the hang of it -- holding the guns with both hands to steady myself from the recoil -- it was a blast.

We got to pick out our own target as well. The zombie was the perfect pick. Much more practical than the black bullseye roughly shaped like the blob of a man. When is that situation of a walking bullseye ever going to come up in real life? But a zombie on the other hand...

--Gigi

7 comments:

Hard Boiled Mysti said...

Nice grouping!

Note to self -- head for Gigi's at first sign of zombie apocalypse. Bring weapons ;)

L.G.C. Smith said...

There are layers to you I never suspected. Moving the Ouija Board, indeed.

Great post. Perhaps the deadliest weapon in our midst is your mind, Gigi. :)

Lisa Hughey said...

Wait...someone was moving that ouija board?? :)

Adrienne Miller said...

*shaking head* You went for the heart on the zombie. Rookie mistake, Gigi. Everybody knows you've gotta aim for the head. Body hits only piss them off.

Rachael Herron said...

BUT THE OIUJA BOARD REALLY MOVED. (That was you? That explains a lot.)

Daisy said...

Ah, but what you didn't realize is that it was the spirits from the great beyond compelling you to move the Oiuja board. Did you really think you came up with those answers all by yourself?

Because, let's face it, if there is going to be a way for us to communicate with the afterlife, the obvious thing is for it to be a board game mass-produced by Parker Brothers.

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