Thursday, November 19, 2009

Gift Anxiety

--Adrienne Miller

I don’t want anyone to panic, but there are only 35 days left until Christmas, people. Sure, it may seem like enough time now, but it’s not. It never is. Not when I have him to shop for. 

That’s right, I have massive gift giving anxiety. 

Not for everybody. The kids are relatively easy. Just open up the Amazon toy page and pretend you’re a kid again. For everybody else there are the trips to the bookstore and See’s candies. And I’m not sure words can truly capture how much I love Target. 

I love buying presents.

Unless they are for my darling husband, Tom. Because when it come to presents Tom is  like Mr. Miyagi and I’m...well, I’m not even Ralph Macchio. I’m like when they brought in the girl for the fourth movie (by the way, do you remember it was Hilary Swank? Ya. Me neither.)

He knows the little things that thrill me, not just the big, shiny things (though I do love me some shiny things). 

Things like bad english translation - enter the Violence Action Figures with all their awesome phrases like, “Small child might cause suffocation” , “One both hands to make it have an extra are stuck respectively” and “Nice Ho Liquor”. He saw these and thought,  “Adrienne will love these and keep them forever and for always”...and I did.

Or when he found he could buy me a Scottish title by purchasing a piece of land on a highland wildlife preserve. Now most people just give their spouse’s real name...those people lack vision. When given the decision of what great honor to bestow me, Tom thought back to a conversation we had months earlier about what our pope names would be and dubbed me “Adrienne, Lady Awesome”.

There are other cool prezzies: the ostrich plume pen, the Doctor Who sonic screwdriver replica (are my geek stripes showing again?), but the best has to be the time he got me trapeze lessons. That was the gift that told me how much faith he had in me. It takes a special kind of love to believe your overweight wife, the one with the crippling fear of heights, when she declares in the middle of the circus that she can “totally do that”.

So, I ask you, what in the world am I supposed to get him in return? Somehow a new sweater just doesn’t cut it. It doesn’t help when I ask him what he wants. I either get, “Oh, nothing in particular,” which leaves me scratching my head, or “I’d love a Ibanez BTB570FM” which means there will be no surprises come Christmas morning.

In the end, I know the gift giving problem lies with me. You know those people I mentioned who lack vision? I’m afraid I’m one of them.


Juliet Blackwell said...

Men are HARD! My father is the hardest man in the world to buy for, and he went and had his birthday on Dec 18, exactly one week before Christmas. So you have to find TWO gifts. I named a star after him a couple of years ago -- that was a good one.
Women are so easy -- earrings, good-smelling stuff, a poem on the back of a grocery receipt...easy as pie.

Unknown said...

He already has the gift of you...what more could he want? :)

Tom Neely said...

Ya know, I've read a lot of Pens Fatales posts and this is by far my favorite. The subject matter really resonates with me. Keep up the good work.

What can I say? I get a huge thrill finding just the right gift for Adrienne.

Sophie Littlefield said...

That was just about the sweetest thing ever. xoxoxo

L.G.C. Smith said...

Another lovely post, Adrienne, and is Tom available for consulting with husbands who are clueless about how to find meaningful gifts? There seem to be a lot of those kicking around during the holidays.

aimalyn said...

My husband is one of those. I've started keeping a bookmark folder in my browser, and whenever during the year he mentions something that gives me a glimmer of an idea, I find it and stick it in there.

Angela Ackerman said...

My hubby is the hardest to buy for. He's one of those guys who doesn't really 'want' anything, but each year i try to come up with something I know he'll love but hasn't thought of. This year it's a framing kit for his hole in one golf card and ball. He got it years ago and has no way to display it, but I know he would like to--he's big into golf and it's a big deal.

Gigi Pandian said...

Ha ha ha ha ha... This is totally my life! I lucked out with birthday present purchases this year (after putting a lot of work into it), so I'm doubtful that I'll luck out again with Christmas. But there's always hope--and those 35 days left ;)

Sophie Littlefield said...

hey gigi, i never asked you what you turned up in Indy for your fella! Let's see, was it a Hoosier stadium blanket??

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