Friday, October 23, 2009

Monica Thinks Blood is Gross


Today's special guest is a favorite of us Pens. Our dear Monica Newcomb can always be counted on for infectious enthusiasm, smart wit, and a truly irresistible smile. We may not have a crystal ball (though I suspect Julie keeps one in the cabinet above the fridge) but we predict great things for this gal.

When I think of blood, the first thought I have is "gross."

This is the thing; blood reminds me of crashing my bike as an eight-year-old and watching bright, red blood spill down my legs. Or worse, I think of needles. And I hate, hate, hate needles. Watching the nurse poke a shiny, sterile one into my otherwise unblemished arm makes me feel woozy. (I know, better sterile than carrying some contagious disease.) Sometimes I can't help watching with sick-fascination as they take vials and vials of my precious blood. Other times, I turn away quickly, trying the old trick my sister taught me: counting backwards in a different language. Diaz--oww!--Nueve...ocho...shit, what comes next? Other people's blood is worse--foreign and just, well gross.

Maybe that's why I never quite took to the whole vampire phenomenon. When I saw this topic, I thought, "I better have something to say about vampires." (That's how pervasive this whole paranormal genre has become.) But I'm just not sure I have the enthusiasm to wax lyrical about vampires. That said, there are a few occasions on which vampires can be tolerated. Halloween, for instance. My boyfriend has the high forehead and light skin/ dark hair of a Slavic Dracula. Our first Halloween together, it seemed logical, not to mention fun, to be his Vampire mistress. Here the die-hard vampire fans would be sorely disappointed. I more closely represented Hollywood's sexed-up poser than a "real" self-respecting vampire. The red tutu, while looking super cute with my garters, just said ballerina more than a blood-sucking villainess.

There is one other vampire exception I'm willing to make: Twilight. (you knew I'd go there, right?) Those vampires play baseball, fly you around on their backs, and rescue you from errant trucks, all while making the pasty-pale complexion look hot. And another thing (as if you needed another): There's no blood. Besides a little obsessive sniffing, there's nothing too weird. I can totally handle that.

What I can't handle: Tom Cruise biting that poor chick's boob in Interview with a Vampire. That leaves me thinking one thing: gross.

Monica Newcomb grew up in a small town in Southeast Alaska, allowing her imagination to run wild. Leaving the cold behind as soon as she could, she set off for the milder, and freer, climes of Santa Cruz, California, where she received a B.A. in literature. Her debut novel, Hot on Her Heels, appeared on the Home Shopping Network and Amazon.com. Now she resides in the San Francisco Bay Area where she writes romances in her free time, combining her two favorite things, love and writing.

7 comments:

Martha Flynn said...

Ballerina Vampires - the next big thing!!!!

Rachael Herron said...

I'm kind of the opposite -- I find the whole needle and blood thing fascinating. But then I find THAT part of my brain gross. Isn't that weird? Great post! Thanks for playing!

Adrienne Miller said...

Yea! Monica is here! The problem with Halloween costumes and you is that you are so freaking adorable that no matter what 'serious' one you wore you would still come off looking sweet :-)

Sophie Littlefield said...

Adrienne, I was thinking the same darn thing. Put Monica in front of a spreader bar and she could still sell girls scout cookies. uh, in a seriously fun and sexy way, M

Lisa Hughey said...

i was really hoping you'd post some of your self-portraits *bg*

ps. thanks for guest blogging and congrats on the Home Shopping Network!! :)

camille Minichino said...

I'm usually grossed out ... but ... not with Dexter scenes. Wonder why.
One of my favorite recently was when Dexter was playing "husband" at a neighborhood BQ and mixed a pitcher of strawberry punch. He held up a glass full of the red liquid and the look on his face was stunning!

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